Leah, you have complained consistently about this T on these boards all with good reason, this T is raising major alarm bells and her practice is shoddy at best. Do you have proof of her qualifications, have you looked into her licensing board? Is she even real or is it Mickey Mouse at the other end of the screen? Why are you entrusting your mental health to someone who treats you badly and is questionable in their practice?
The fact that your are questionning yourself in this and taking on a large proportion of the blame just shows how untherapeutic this therapist is. And TBH even if she was a decent therapist i don't think it sounds like the type of therapy you need.
I think you need to think hard about why you're putting up with this, why you're not giving yourself the best chance to receive the healing you obviously need and want and why you're putting yourself in a perilous situation by allowing someone you don't know and can't physically see to meddle in your mental health.