Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
Leah, you have complained consistently about this T on these boards all with good reason, this T is raising major alarm bells and her practice is shoddy at best. Do you have proof of her qualifications, have you looked into her licensing board? Is she even real or is it Mickey Mouse at the other end of the screen? Why are you entrusting your mental health to someone who treats you badly and is questionable in their practice?
The fact that your are questionning yourself in this and taking on a large proportion of the blame just shows how untherapeutic this therapist is. And TBH even if she was a decent therapist i don't think it sounds like the type of therapy you need.
I think you need to think hard about why you're putting up with this, why you're not giving yourself the best chance to receive the healing you obviously need and want and why you're putting yourself in a perilous situation by allowing someone you don't know and can't physically see to meddle in your mental health.
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She treats me extremely well in many ways, admittedly I may not have posted as much at length about those, although I do contribute to the threads about great things our therapists have said, and such, because she's really been amazing to me a lot of the time: and she has been extremely open, fair, trustworthy, empathetic, soothing, non-judgemental in many, many cases. She's had a lot of good ideas too when I need help brainstorming. We've been working very closely together for a while and most of it has been very very helpful. I've made major life changes for the better and my real life has definitely benefited. So, it's not at all black and white. She and I have done a lot of wonderful work together, and at other times have an excellent rapport, so I definitely don't want to just throw the baby out with the bathwater, but I do need to work on concrete supports with her, somehow, and of course, work through this, sigh.
(Yes, I have verified her credentials as has the agency we work through. I am confident in her qualifications and she has experience dealing with PTSD. I am, it is fair to say, a demanding client, and there are unique challenges working online.)
She should not have said that. I'm clear on that. But.... I don't want to lose our relationship, there has been an awful lot of good to it.
I think part of the problem is she has really let me lead in the therapy to feel safer and get what I want out of it, and now maybe I'm wanting to negotiate that role, kind of like Sweepy referenced in another thread, like a copilot that might need to take the wheel occasionally- to where she is partnering with me as I tackle stuff that's harder for me to maintain equilibrium on, and this is a hard spot to be in.
I think we're maybe working on the rocky transition from me trusting her with all my secrets, to trusting her to direct me when I'm feeling unstead. This is a MAJOR challenge for me and risky. I am independent to the extreme. It's been a challenge for me to let my husband carry any of our groceries in the house, ha, to give you an idea. Anyhow, my whole life is feeling unsettled and unsafe right now, so... yeah, messy.