I would've had therapy today, if not for the holiday, so find it fitting to write through what I might've talked about....if I had t today, I would've probably told him how I'm still mad at him a bit and how I feel our relationship has been impacted. That I'm waiting for the 'real' T to come back out once he's able to regain my trust. I feel like he's waiting until he's sure I'm attached to him enough so he can let me have it. That I'm very conflicted about continuing with t. It will hurt like hell to give up, but I think it will hurt way more to have it end later on. Like pulling off a bandaid....

Yet, part of me wonders if I'm creating a scenario where T has to almost beg me to stay. And he said he would not keep me from leaving but it's my choice and he respects that Which makes so much sense logically, but my emotional self wants him to....idk! Do something! Ok - I fully realize I'm recreating some dysfunctional pattern prob set early on in my life, but I think I need to explore that with my T. Not because I truly want to leave t necessarily, but because the feelings are getting stronger and I really want to understand why.