Ok, had a moment of stupidity today... not proud of it but it happened. Basically, the thoughts became overwhelming after a trigger at work. Was ever so close to doing something I'd regret so decided to knock myself out instead by taking some of my anti depressant pills over the dose. Had done research and knew the toxicity of these particular pills weren't likely to do long term harm or anything. Called the crisis line during this time to get some practical help and advice as well. Advised them what I'd done and stipulated in very strong terms that it wasn't an attempt, I was actually trying to avoid one and needed to speak to someone with training to try and bring myself down.

It worked and the lady I spoke to was quite good and gave me some helpful tips as well as narrowing down some of the current things I'm doing. She was not concerned (or at least didn't appear to be) about the od... which I'll be honest was a calculated low dose on my part, was no actual intent involved in it other than trying to sedate my mood.

I'm pretty annoyed with myself now that I've woken back up, but by the same token it's demonstrated that I need to put some changes in place which includes considering the suitability of me working where I work (is a pretty miserable atmosphere there).