Quote:
Originally Posted by archipelago
scorpio, what interesting is that your remarks are almost all about the therapist's safety and not the client's, when the actual therapeutic relationship is usually more focused on the safety of the client since the therapist presumably is stable and solid so doesn't require the same attention to safety as someone who is vulnerable.
Also I don't understand the "oughts" or "shoulds" that are implicit in what you are saying. I didn't think therapy was about "the rules," it is rather about empathy, caring, and healing. Because it is often emotionally charged, it is different from other professionals like a dentist. There is actually a relationship there and all human relationships run into difficulties now and again, especially if one person isn't exactly stable and has needs.
I of course agree to all you say about not disrespecting a therapist. That damages the relationship so no real work can be done. But for me, it is not about obeying rules or bowing down to the therapist's professional standing. They work for us. We are their bosses.
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The rules are there as the safe, containing, therapeutic frame SO THAT the T and client can develop a close, caring, empathetic, and healing relationship. The rules are there to protect both the client AND the T. The T (should be!) stable and solid, but that isn't enough to protect her from a client who is attempting to be violent, sexual, or instrusive. The examples I gave were about the T, since that is what the recent posts on the forum have been about (T's boundaries), but of course it goes both ways. The T also cannot spy, commit violence, or sexually touch a client! Those should be obvious. A good T will, of course, hold the client's safety as a top priority. Part of keeping the client safe is keeping the T safe and able to do her job. If a client threatens her safety, then she cannot protect the client's safety either. For instance, if a client forces himself on his T, then she will have to shove him off-- possibly leaving him with bruises, in addition to feelings of anger, rejection, hurt, and embarrassment. Having boundaries in therapy keeps both the client and the T safe. It is only by maintaining those boundaries that the care, connection, trust, and healing can happen. For instance, because my T and I have good boundaries, we are able to have a very close, tender, and genuine therapeutic relationship. We hug, we say that we care about each other, she comes and sits next to me when I'm having a rough session, she tells me she thinks of me like a daughter, etc. We have all of the closeness and connectedness that you describe. She says that she can have this with me (and not some of her other clients) BECAUSE I respect her boundaries. She says that it makes her feel safe with me, so that she feels comfortable offering touch and she feels open and loving towards me. She has said that when there are boundary crossings with clients, it forces her to put her guard up and she has to work at reinforcing her boundaries-- which gets in the way of the therapeutic relationship. The fact that she respects her client's boundaries and makes them feel safe is a "given" because she is a good T.