Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Thank you, blur. It seems like others on here have downplayed the googling, where as I think it's a problem. But you're right. I have all of these feelings that I can't seem to control, and they're hard to admit because I'm ashamed of them.  My T and I talked about boundaries some time ago, and I did an exercise with a rope to set my own boundaries. I will talk about it with her some more. I also think you're right that I don't like T having boundaries because she's not in my real life. I hate that fact more than anything. She says that it won't stop until we work through it. No, I won't go past her house again, but the urge is there, and will be until I somehow get past it. Not doing it doesn't make the feelings go away. I think T and I will work on this until I quit. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about my deductible in January, and there's not enough time. I'm not in such a good place right now.  |
the exercise you did is good and helps you understand you get to have boundaries. you having boundaries, and a sense of individuation, can help you feel empowered to do the things you desire to do in your life like the traveling and even selling your artwork if that is a desire of yours. i think for those of us who had enmeshed parents it can be hard to have a sense of our own power and feel like we can accomplish our goals. we unfortunately can end up feeling quite helpless when we were not allowed boundaries as children.
this article on individuation is excellent and i think both boundaries and individuation are good things to become fluent in. it's all about balance: we are separate, individuated people but still have relationship as long as both parties respect each others' boundaries.
the other half of this is understanding why it is good for others to have boundaries. respecting other's boundaries is for the other person's comfort and safety and so they can live their lives without bothersome interference from us. you still can have relationships with people while they have their boundaries, just as you have your boundaries. respecting your T's boundaries will not feel good right now and it won't make these feelings go away. in fact the opposite will happen until the issue is worked through. that is why it is difficult to not do the behaviors you are struggling with--because it brings up uncomfortable and painful feelings that need to be felt and expressed in healthy ways. this isn't about your T but your primary family relationships and grieving the losses of your past. you can do this rain. there is no time like the present. happy thanksgiving!
