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Originally Posted by My kids are cool
I think the problem is and the thing I see over and over on this forum is that you do NOT get to set the boundaries for the other person. If a T says that her boundary is that she does not do email (or hug or whatever), that just IS the T's boundary and the T has the absolute right to set that boundary. It doesn't matter is anyone else thinks emailing (or hugging or whatever) is a bad thing or a good thing or normal or whatever. Regardless, that IS the T's boundary and she has an absolute right to set that boundary and expect it to be honored. If a client disagrees with that boundary, that client can find another therapist, but does not have the right (in my opinion) to try to force the T to allow email or hugs or whatever.
If stopdog has a boundary that the T should stay back, the T should absolutely honor that, and if the T fails to do so, she acts improperly. If a T has a boundary that the client should not drive by her home, and the client does so anyway, then the client acts improperly. We each should have the right to set our own boundaries and expect those boundaries to be honored. Complaining about the boundaries someone else has set and attempting to stomp on those boundaries or break them down shows a fundamental disrespect for the other person, in my opinion.
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I think people can discuss boundaries with their therapists, these things can be negotiated. So I would say discuss it first, try to see if you can get the therapist to change their way and their boundaries in a way to suit you and if they refuse then you can find other therapist. Most therapist have some flexibility with their boundaries. The ones who are completely inflexible either have personal issues or stick dogmatically to some particular old fashioned way of doing therapy. But most therapies have flexibility, though in regards to some boundaries they have absolutely no flexibility. I assume this is the same with their clients.
For instance I have some flexibility with how close a therapist can sit to me. But I have no flexibility with the therapist physically hitting me. I think that makes sense, does it not?
I think another issue about boundaries is that some clients might feel like the therapist is permitted to challenge their boundaries but not vice versa. But I think that's the nature of therapy. You get to share, tell very private and personal stuff, have your beliefs or values or boundaries challenged. But the view is that all this is done for therapeutic reasons, not because the therapists gets to do whatever he wants and you don't.