> The worse part of all of this is that I am not 100% sure, not even 90% sure, to which thoughts / emotions / feelings are hers and which are mine....

why they are ALL you sweetie.

YOU have thoughts, feelings, desires, opinions etc that appear to be in conflict. aka you are ambivalent. because YOU aren't sure how to integrate these different thoughts, feeings, desires, and opinions so that you can figure out solutions that speak to ALL of these some of the thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions are regarded as 'other' or 'not me'

dissociation is an inability to cope with ambivalence

integration just is about learning a process that one can apply to mental states that seem to be at war so that one can redescribe the situation as one of ambivalence. by acknowledging all the mental states one can get better at this process of coming to solutions that respect all of them (all the parts) so that they no longer need to be regarded as other.

i don't know that there is anything online...

but there is a lot of stuff about how after integration people often need supportive therapy to deal with exactly what you are struggling with now. that without the supportive therapy to learn this process of integrating apparantly contradictory mental states one will just keep on disowning them as other (aka 'splitting' aka 'finding' or 'creating' more parts).