hey sunrise. ((((((sunrise)))))). wow thats quite a list of good things about me working with him, huh. i had forgotten... but thinking on them... sigh. i DO really like him and feel like i can work with him and feel like i click with him in some way. and yeah he IS being really great with not pushing me and accepting how i want to do things (like him not talking to the others).

i guess i'm not so much mad as...
ambivalent, i guess. i feel so much. i feel so many things. the not going wasn't really about hurting / punishing him, it was more about protecting me. protecting me from him hurting me. because it hurts me when i can't see him. and even though i KNOW he isn't meaning to hurt me IT STILL HURTS. and i don't like the hurt :-(

my last t went away for a couple months... and that... is when i found this t. i don't know about the phone sessions... last year he said we could see each other more often than weekly this year but i don't even seem to be seeing him weekly. i don't know. i don't know how much i can trust him with saying things like that.

i don't know...

i need to think.