I guess I'm not entirely understanding just what our differences are here when we refer to boundaries. I certainly want to feel a connection with anyone I'm in therapy with, that is essential to the experience. I myself am overly concerned with boundaries, especially with men and shy away from asking personal questions- but that's my own issue with insecurity. I think it's fine to ask some personal questions within reason so you feel like you are speaking to a human. But I also think the objectivity is important in T, but again that is my perspective. There will be personal feelings and biases in the client-T relationship, it can't be helped. My husband came in with me once when I first started seeing my pdoc and after the session said he'd never go back. HE found him biased toward me the minute he started speaking. When I mentioned this to my pdoc later, he said he always tries to be objective, but that in my case it was different. So it happens and its natural. My approach to therapy is very solution oriented. I've been in treatment for years and started up again to deal with my separation. So I had a goal going in- to gain confidence enough to run a family, get a job and continue my education. And now that I'm back with H, my goal of continuing is managing my moods when I'm living in a less than ideal scenario (on a personal level). But the reason I continue with my male pdoc and not my female T? Becuase he's divorced with young kids like me and he helps me navigate through my life and keep on focus. So you could say I see him because I know he can relate to me.

When I say across the board rules I think they are more rigid with opposite sex T's (or same sex depending on orientation). There just have to be firm boundaries here, especially in the context of text and cellphone communications. I also don't like the idea of saying you "love" a client, at least not one of the opposite sex. I don't think that is in any way appropriate. You can like them, be concerned for them and many other things. But love is a loaded word and can be interpreted or misinterpreted in far too many ways.

Again, my pdoc is a guy and we do just fine. I've never had a bad experience but was too needy at one point when I was going through my separation and father's death at the same time. I would call his office crying to his assistant when I couldn;t get an appointment when I wanted one. He would always fit me in, but did remind me that he's the psychiatrist and my T was the one I should see for more frequent, longer appointments. I felt hurt but respected his request. Now, a year later I no longer see my T, and he told me I can see him for longer appointments any time. So it's a balance and a matter of respect, just as you say. And it absolutely changes with different clients. Kind of like an open window: with each client you open the window more or less depending on how much information you feel is appropriate to let in.

But what I'm curious about is your perspective of the rigid rules and boundaries. Which do you think are the ones that hinder the therapeutic process?