I agree that self-disclosure belongs to the therapist and shouldn't be tested or pushed too hard. That is disrespectful and can damage the relationship, not to mention that it just tends to create problems that don't necessarily need to be there.

Self-disclosure is quite complex. A therapist needs space to do this in an appropriate manner. Sometimes it is innocuous like just discussing things, but when it gets more personal both parties need to be careful.

My therapist uses self-disclosure but it is part of his training to do so. I trust his instincts and am careful mostly. So if I ask a question I frequently preface it with a qualification so he has a ready way out. Sometimes it's way more spontaneous. We both get engaged and end up with something personal that we didn't really intend to go toward. He is so experienced and so solid that he handles these things with grace so it never becomes a problem really. And he is very clear with me. Frank discussion is more and more prevalent. He is also humble and admits his limitations, even though he has 35 years of experience, went to Harvard and Stanford, and got training at an institute in psychoanalysis. But we have worked together for a long time rather intensively so that might make things different. Not sure.