I'm sure our exact problems are different, but I know what you mean as far as thinking something is fundamentally wrong with you but now knowing exactly what. I know I have SAD because I get anxiety and have had bad, dissociative-type panic attacks in public settings. I have gone to Pyschiatrists but it's usually the same old song of "you are depressed with anxiety, here take some Paxil/Prozac/Xanax/etc". I am pretty sure that I have either SPD, AvPD, or am on the autism spectrum or have dissociation issues. I was never "quite right" as a child, adolescent, or now at age 29. Poor social skills, social anxiety, tendency towards withdrawal, never quite fitting in, never fulfilling my intellectual potential, etc. I have been on and off SSRI's and it's never really helped me that much as far as I can tell. Don't mean to rip on Psychiatry because maybe taking an SSRI would really help you. It's helped me somewhat in the past and I don't think it's a bad thing, but it's never fixed my problems.

I HATE talking to people in unstructured situations. My neighbors used to hang out on the porch and drink and I would avoid going our there like the plague because it would scare the **** out of me (it's ****** to get an accelerated heart beat when you need to let the dog out or get something from your car). I had nothing to say to them (they don't want to talk about interesting things and I don't have clever one-liners or funny stories about work and I don't want to complain about some stupid problem and ask them for advice, etc.).

I really hate acting melodramatic, also, but you are not doing this in my opinion. Maybe you do have deeper problems and maybe it's something "diagnosable" like situation-specific SAD, non-extreme but notable ASD, or whatever else. But maybe you have deeper problems and you will never really know for sure what your problem is. I'm not even sure I would trust one Psychiatrist's opinion of what my real problem(s) is/are because they all have biases in one direction (some don't even "believe" in personality disorders, some will over-attribute things to Autism Spectrum Disorders, some will just tell you that you are depressed/anxious and to take some SSRIs).

I really ramble when writing posts/emails so forgive me (wait - is that an ASD thing??). I think I was like you where I never knew the right thing to say, and eventually this turned into SAD when I realized that I don't act right because I have nothing "normal" to say (as judged by the general population) and then suddenly the awkward pause you get when you say something people aren't expecting or don't know how to respond to makes you really anxious. I always say the wrong **** or just don't know what to say so say something really blah-ish.

I am very ****ed up in many ways I am not mentioning here and probably in a very different way than you. But at least you know there are other people out there who are struggling and know that something is fundamentally wrong with them but aren't quite sure what it is... best I can offer you. And remember that it's only as much of a problem as it is to you. If it doesn't bother you it's not a problem - even if society doesn't see it as "normal". And if you let the way you are tear you apart then you've lost already (must like me) so try to avoid that. My problem comes in because I let not fitting in bother me. The best option is to say **** it and to lead a meaningful and fulfilling life anyways because who cares what people think (most of the people who will try to single you out as different or weird are small-minded idiots anyways). Unfortunately I'm not so good at this and I beat myself up about my social failures (but much of the time these days I just don't think about it and avoid socializing as much as possible).

Hope at least some of my ramblings were helpful to you. Good luck friend.