The more I reflect on my late NPD mother, the more compassion I feel for her. I have reason to think that she suffered a great deal. I also have reason to think that she loved me as much as she was able to love (which was quite limited).

So I don't recommend warring with her. From what I've heard on this thread so far, it doesn't sound like warring with a mother whose behavior arises from mental illness is the way I would go.

I favor keeping your distance and gradually figuring out, over time, what you can and cannot safely share with her. As I see it, the touchstone should be your own safety. The goal should be keeping yourself emotionally safe, not getting even with her or catching her in her hypocrisy or showing her you are on to her.