I find this a really interesting topic, so I'll probably have to go and read through some of the posts more carefully when I have a bit more time. I find it really hard to put boundary stuff into words.

I found my own therapist to be relatively relaxed in terms of boundaries when we first met. At least, I was very careful not to go near any potential boundary and so my therapist never brought the subject up...and that's what worked best for me. I didn't like to think of the relationship in terms of boundaries and restrictions. I respected her space and time and that was enough for me.

Earlier on in therapy, there were some things I did with my therapist that involved what could be considered more relaxed boundaries. Over a period of years we have had two or three sessions in a coffee shop, once I attended a social event that she was at (at her suggestion), and once she attended something because I was there. For me, right now she definitely is my therapist and not a friend. I feel quite clear about respecting any potential boundaries of hers without explicit rules and restrictions.

My therapist has now tightened up her boundaries a lot and suddenly it's like it really doesn't work for me. It would be okay if we discussed the situation and I could understand what was okay to ask for and what wasn't, but the rules and explicit boundaries just don't sit quite right with me.

I feel like my therapist is in this world where she's learned to see things in a certain way. It is almost like the boundaries are treated as if they were solid concrete objects. And I am a client, which is also a solid concrete object. There are some rules that come along with being a client that do feel difficult to understand. At least, it's hard to understand why some of the rules apply to me. There was a boundary that my therapist changed, as she described her own behaviour as too friend like (after speaking with her supervisor). It was funny how much this "friend like” behaviour was helping me to make progress and move forwards, and didn't confuse me into thinking she was a friend and not a therapist. It was just something that worked for us, something that sat right with me.

Losing the relationship completely after the end is quite hard for me to comprehend and my biggest difficulty with boundaries that are largely universally applied. With other therapists it doesn't matter so much, but with my current therapist, she always used herself and a very genuine relationship to help me to move forwards. She has always been someone I like very much and she's become an important part of my life. Once she even thought that something after the end might be possible. I didn't take that something as meaning a friendship, just something little, something that would work for both of us.

Respecting the nature of the relationship is easy, but the new, clear, explicit boundaries haven't helped me to do much other than shut down the part of myself that needs help, just like I did when I was a child. And it's brought up such a fear of the end that wasn't previously there. I might even appear better on the outside at times, but it’s only because I “grow up” when I realise no one will ever come for help, because there is no one to hear me and no one to go to. That wasn’t a problem before the new boundaries, it was more like a fear that I could challenge and not a reality.