Almost 2 years ago, maybe more, I opened up to a friend about my depression. In those 2 years she's almost always been with me and I appreciate more than anything, but last the realization hit of how annoying I actually am. I sent her some long drawn out messages and she said to me "Talk to (your brother). I'm sorry but I literally can't right now, my cat is dying in my arms. I can't with all of this."

That's when it hit me that I had become one of them. I'm the person in her life who does nothing but complain about how dark and bitter their life is all the time, no matter what. She goes on living a normal life and having all these life experiences while I creep and crawl through everyday.

I've decided that the only reason she still does even talk to me is because she doesn't want to feel guilty when/if I kill myself. She sent me a long drawn out message about how she cares for me "very very much" so she feels the need to intervene unless I do something to help myself which is all good and nice but then she also wrote in "if anything happens to you at this point it will almost be like it's my fault for not intervening"

I've decided I need to stop talking to her, to let her off this crazy train. It's not possible to have a solid friendship with somebody if all they do is talk about themselves and their own despair. It used to be different but once I got depressed she never says anything to me unless I bring up suicidal thoughts or my reasons to be depressed.

Thoughts? It's kind of long I know, I apologize for that but any thoughts will be very helpful to me because I'll most likely change my mind at least 3 or 4 times about this just within this next day.