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ToeJam · Nov 29, 2013, 04:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rohag

Call it what you'd like, but I have an entirely similar plan (using my antianxiety med) worked out with input from my psychiatrist.

Yeah, I know. Ironically it transpired after the call with crisis line that the dosage for sedation on the medication I take (mirtazapine) works at the lower dose of 15mg (my recommended dose right now is 30mg)… when you go above that, apparently it wipes out that sedation. Not sure how reliable that tip was as I was bloody exhausted and slept for most of the afternoon.

Quote:

My opinion: you handled that situation as well as anyone could. Your effective mutual communication with the crisis line folks reflects well on you and on the specific individuals you contacted. This is its own kind of success story.

It had a calming effect in so much as I was actually able to talk to someone who was clued in. The advice given was of questionable value… or should I say, it had value.. but I’m going to need to put changes in place and for that I need the energy and motivation (catch 22)

Quote:

It's hard and perhaps scary to consider, but at least thinking about such a change may get creativity working in your long-term favour.

On the + side (as I’ve mentioned before), the wife has stated that she will support me if I was to lose my current job… now I don’t exactly want to ‘lose’ the job… but I certainly need a change of direction. This will take some consideration and a lot of chats with the wife. She has a basic idea of what happened yesterday but I was not in the right place to have an in-depth chat at the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by caseygirl

TJ, you're teetering too close, you realize that don't you. I was there before too. Get more help other than the crisis line please.

I’m well aware that yesterday was particularly bad… I was goading myself hard on my way home from work and in retrospect it was a hit/miss situation. Problem is, I have no where to go for extra help… or at least it doesn’t feel that way. To go to the Dr would be seriously uncomfortable… I’m reclusing hard at the moment and (the strong) part of me doesn’t want the attention lable attached.

I guess in some ways I am giving up and letting the flood come in. I am fighting it, otherwise I wouldn’t be typing here (obviously).

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I was angry that it didn't work out as planned. Just think, imagine being angry for having an illness.

Not hard to imagine, I am angry. That is the state my depression has taken me of late. Furious with myself for feeling this way, furious with my neediness, furious with how I must appear to others, furious that I don’t seem to have anywhere to go.

I don’t mean to rant.