Hello Italianfire-

I am so sorry to read about the pain and despair that you are experiencing. I too understand what you have described and often feel the same way. Especially the holidays-it's so hard and so sad. I agree with ToeJam-those who haven't been through this find it difficult to understand-but mostly I think it scares them. People don't like to feel uncomfortable and often times they tend to turn away when we need someone the most. When we feel as you do it is so hard to imagine anything good in this world. It's hard to think of any reason to stay. But you deserve to be listened to, you deserve to be heard, you deserve to have support. As bad as things have been for you-you never know what might happen in the future-what might happen maybe even tomorrow, something positive, something that will be the catalyst to slowly turn things around in a good way. No one knows what might be, what might happen in the future to turn things around. Please stick around, talk to us here-many of us do understand and can empathize with your pain. I hope that you will return to your thread and let us know how you are doing. You do have support here, you do have people who care. You are not alone. I wish you all the best.