It helps to know other people struggle with it. I was able to quit for several months, but now it feels like a weekly urge at least. And what's more frustrating, is that lately it's lost some of the release it used to give, if only temporarily. My therapist knows about it, but she often doesn't ask how often, and it's not something I share freely.

But it's nice not to be alone in it. Maybe someday. I'll control it, it won't nag at me and be a temptation for how to cope, and I can quit.