Thanks, Gayle. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the two that have stayed and try and understand, beyond thankful. I think I am just struggling because I was finally acting my age (something, after age 14, I never got to do) and I WAS socializing even though I was anxious I worked through it and it was always nice. And I think a big part of it too is that I feel like my chance at being a 20-something, the ages everyone says are the best, has been taken from me and I don't even have a say.

I think another part is that some people did it with just blatant... cruelty. They just flat out told me I am more of a burden then a friend and left with nothing more than that. And I am not usually a jealous person but seeing them go to work, go to school, going out together makes me so resentful and I don't WANT to be that person. I hate feeling jealous and resentful, it's no ones fault I got sick, not even mine, it was just a random doing of the universe we live in.

In short I just feel robbed and hated for something I cannot control. And since I've lost so many people, I am just waiting for the two who stuck around to run when they have the chance because may I am that much of a burden.

All I want to do is get well, and get to the other side of the illness like you said, and maybe have people on the other side there to tell me they're proud or something. I'm never told I am strong or brave by anyone and maybe it's a fault of mine but it makes me feel weak and pathetic.