Amandasmom, to me this sounds like a good topic to bring up with your T. I don't know your T but it would surprise me if she were to be hurt by the fact that you almost contacted the on-call T. A therapist knows that sometimes their clients will dislike them, and sometimes the dislike will be quite unreasonable, but it's still there. I'm not saying that your dislike was unreasonable, just that it's something that happens - I've seen several people writing about situations like that on these boards. Now, you could have chosen to break off contact with your T when this dislike hit you. You could have chosen to run away. (I did that with my first T - not an identical situation, but slightly similar. It was a cowardly choice and I'm still ashamed of it, 11 years after.) Instead, you thought about trying to work through the difficulties with the help of another professional. That means that the T relationship is something you felt was worth saving.

Don't you think your T would appreciate knowing that? And since you feel bad about keeping it a secret from her, it would probably be a good idea to bring it up with her. Even if she would be hurt (which I really don't think she would, but of course I can't know because I'm not her), I bet all the good work you've done together outweighs that moment, for her.