I tried to take a step back from here and online in general. I thought being away from talk of depression would help but it hasn't. So here I am again. It's been a really long week. I'm not sure how I've survived the week at work tbh. Well I left early today due to a headache taking over. I just haven't been able to concentrate. I have spent most of each day staring at my computer screen or with my head in my hands telling myself 'I can't do this' or 'I can't be here.'

And I'm struggling with suicidal thoughts and urges again too. So much so that I'm feeling like the sooner the better...

I hate feeling this way and I don't know how to cope with it. You would think after so many years I could handle it by now.