I feel very close to my T and until recently after 3 years of therapy, I have known very little about her personal life. Although somewhat curious, that curiosity was not compelling and I knew my job in therapy was to access my T's guidance to help me - not to dig into her personal life. I still feel the same way and I've experienced just this month how damaging a T's self-disclosure can be to the therapeutic relationship.

I perfectly admit that for some people more disclosure by T may be very therapeutic and I would never argue that they should feel the way I do about it. Each situation is different and each situation is personal. If the 'boundaries' are crossed but it helps the healing of an individual, who am I to protest?

My issue with boundaries is that I was unclear where the boundaries were in my relationship with my T. I am VERY respectful of her privacy and her free time and do not want to intrude in any way.

But, I've gotten mixed messages. I got into 'trouble' the first month of therapy because I called and left a message asking a question about our session. After I left the voicemail, I got hit with the realization that I shouldn't have done that and I called again and left another message telling her that there was no need to reply.

She didn't get the 2nd message and I was 'scolded' for calling her about wanting clarification of something that had happened in session.

BUT, in later months she encouraged me to call and leave messages. I always felt terrible but could not resist when I was going through something tough. She kept reassuring me it was o.k.

So, I've never felt really comfortable although I still contact her by text if I'm going through something (well,not so much this last month cuz of her self-disclosure) and she would always reply with some supportive words.

I never want to intrude but I am very happy that my T encourages me to contact her. I would never spy on her or push the limits of our relationship. Her personal life is hers to maintain and I have no rights to it.

I am thankful she is my T and I am thankful she is the professional I need in my life.

But, understanding where the boundaries are (besides the obvious ones) has been a challenge.