I think the opinions on this issue are so strong none of us will really agree. It's hard for me to articulate why I think boundary issues are so important and why even more so in the field of therapy but I will try. In essence, some of the minor things like a pat on the shoulder, an email or text here or there, etc..., are really not a big deal on their own. What is a big deal is how these gestures are interpreted by the patient. We may like to think a T knows their us so, or that we even know ourselves, but sometimes we don't. Many people find themselves feeling emotions they didn't know they had or doing things they never thought they'd do. Some of these benign gestures outside the confines of an office can elicit feelings of closeness that are out of proportion to the real relationship, and that is not healthy at all. In fact, that is less healthy than working with a T who wouldn't let these things happen in the first place, IMHO.

Your T should absolutely be able to share some information and minor disclosures so long as it is relavent, why not? They do care and usually intend to do their best to be there for and help us, but it must be within healthy limits. Just like we wouldn't meet our pcp in a coffee shop to discuss test results, we shouldn't expect the same from our psychiatrist or therapist just because the profession is centered around mental health and not physical. A T's job is tough because they deal with emotional states, and things can get tricky. T's need to protect their own mental health too. The 50 minutes we are in their office is about us, but outside the session it is not all about us, it's about them too. And a good T will practice these boundaries while still retaining their humanity. If not, we should find someone who can.

My shrink is an MD as well and he does a good job with this, but a while back I was met with one boundary of his that really irked me at the time. I have test anxiety and didn't want to repeat my dismal performance on the GRE's to get into grad school, so I asked him if he could write a letter for me confirming my ADD diagnosis (which he made) which might exempt me or at least offer me accommodations for the exam. He initially said sure- and if came in for a session to help him write it he wouldn't charge the office's fee (about $75). When I went in, he changed his mind and said no. He said if I got a neuropsyche exam done that supported my ADD diagnosis (made by him), he would write a letter but not otherwise. He said my ADD issues hadn't really been part of our work together so he didn't feel comfortable. I was pretty hurt and took it so personally, which he could tell. So he explained again that he knew he made the diagnosis, but from what he's seen of me, I'm so high functioning that I don't seem to need the accommodations. I was still annoyed when I left, but after a while I did get it. I think I was the first patient to ask for such a letter pertaining to entrance exams and initially wanted to help me out since I was moving forward and making real progress. But when he gave it more thought, he had to think about it and came to the conclusion that one letter to me as a favor could open the door for many more favors I might ask of him. And that may have ended up being the case, how are he or I really to know. We both need these boundaries. That's not a very personal example, but its similar, I hope...