Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
At the beginning of friendships/relationships, is it normal for one person taking the lead the whole time/doing all the pursuing? I went on what I thought was a date with a guy a few weeks back (which I had to make all the first moves when it came to setting up) and it went really well, he gave me virtually every indication of being interested in me at least at some level and we decided to meet again. I suppose I made the mistake of not setting up when/where we would meet again that night, but I didn't think communication would be so difficult.
He will usually reply if I text him…well, at least about 50% of the time. I know he at least reads the texts as he'll refer to them later. Since he doesn't respond to all the texts, I assume he's busy and usually wait a few days before trying again but I'm being told by other people that to show I'm really interested in him I should contact him everyday. I don't want to annoy him (especially if he's busy), besides I don't know what to say usually to start a conversation, unless it's a generic "hey, how was your day?" and I wouldn't want to start with that every single day as that WOULD be annoying. But, no matter what happens, he will not communicate with me in any way unless I contact him first. I think he's shy, but I've thought I've made clear enough that I DO actually want to talk to him, but maybe not.
Basically, I'm just wondering if this is normal and if I'm doing the right thing by giving him "space" if he isn't replying and trying again in a few days?
And if I should contact him everyday, what else should I say to start conversations so I'm not saying the same thing or something out of character? Or should I wait until I see him next to say anything to him (which will be in a little less than two weeks)? Or is there a better way to indicate that he has permission to contact me even if I don't contact him first?
He does seem to want to talk to me…I'm just confused on what I should do. I don't want to "suffocate" him, but I also don't want to seem overly aloof.
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I can understand your concern here and it may be something but it may be nothing. Quite possibly he's just bad at replying to messages in general.
What should you do? Well if you feel that contacting him everyday, in your mind would be pestering, don't do it. If it's something you would do with any other person you like, friend or more.. go ahead, I see no problem in it. go with what you feel is right, becuase if you're doing something unnatural to your own behavior already then you're not showing your true colors. Fact is, if it bothers him, once you were a couple, it would probably bother him then too, when you're comfortable doing it and you'll never be able to "be yourself" I hope I'm making sense. For me personally being contacted every day - not obsessively repeated attempts over the course of a day, but once a day to start conversations, it would tell me she's interested but that's not the only way she can do so either... so be yourself.
Also, if you have nothing to say to spark a conversation, should you be even contacting him anyway? I mean, if you're compelled to talk to him for some reason, just refer to why you're contacting him, maybe sometimes you're seeing how he's doing, maybe another time you're just wondering what, if anything, he is doing. Just go with that. Sometimes just saying hi is perfectly alright too! I personally would not think it odd if a girl asked me how I was once a day, it's pretty normal to start a conversation. But that's just me. Its flattering to hear from a girl I like every day. After all if I'm attracted to her, I probably could spend hours of every day just chatting with her anyway.
Hope this helps!
~S4