I know for me it's been hard, as I have made just about every mistake and I have had to learn as I go!

If you have been in aubsive relationships, as I have, that is something that takes practice. A good book about taking care of yourself and not getting so enmeshed in someone else:

"Codependent No More" -- Melody Beattie

This book has helped change my life. Really. It has helped me detach with love when I need to step back.
Each Day a New Beginning, and ACoA and Al-Anon have some stuff that is helpful, too.

Learn what boundaries are and use them. This book was helpful:

"Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend,

Something that can be tricky that I am still learning! Be willing to leave the relationship if needed and before it reaches crisis level. Another tough thing if you are used to highly abusive relationships.

Keep your friends and have interests of your own. Don't give up what thrills and interests you to "fit" in with a person.

Don't let anyone try to tell you you need someone. I say now I'd rather WANT someone than NEED them. I can be okay on my own, I choose to spend time with her.

I don't know if you have a T but this subject would be a good one to discuss with a T or rabbi or pastor. My T always says, "What advice would you give your best friend? Then give it to yourself."

Learn how best to care for yourself and your needs, so that you aren't looking for a relationship to fix you or take the focus off things you might need to deal with in yourself. And learn to be okay with being alone so that you don't jump into a relationship because you can't handle being alone with yourself. Be able to pay your own way as much as possible. That helps ensure some autonomy, IMHO. That way you don't give someone else so much power over you. Don't give your power away to get or keep someone, you know?

Love someone, but not more than you love yourself.

God bless & I wish you happiness,
RainbowFaerie