We talked in depth about it and I believe I was entirely accountable, even telling him that whenever he felt the need to talk about it I would no matter how uncomfortable or ashamed it made me.

I think I am hard on myself for it, but I tend to do that with everything. I think the problem stems from his insecurity now. I feel like I deserve it, I mean I caused the constant questioning of my motives, the accusations of activities that never occurred, etc. It's just so draining.

We love each other tremendously, that much is abundantly clear. It's just that I'm so hypervigilant now because I feel like anything I say or do will cause heartache to him- and I don't want to do that to him. I guess the good news is that we agreed a counselor may be needed for he and I for a while to help us over this hump.

I'm just terrified that I've ruined him. I don't want that blood on my hands.

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