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Originally Posted by rainbow8
Did you have enmeshed parents too? I've never had a sense of having any power. My T has tried to build up my sense of Self via my artwork and photography. I'll look at the links.
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yes. i felt quite smothered by my mom--she still does it and i'm in my 40s!--and controlled by my dad. my inclination is to move away from people when they do that. i really liked that article on individuation and what it says about both pursuing your own interests and knowing & feeling your emotions. i know sometimes my mom would "correct" my emotions and tell me that i didn't feel a certain way when i had expressed that i did. just lately i've been paying a lot more attention to how i honestly feel and it is quite interesting. i still may do the people pleasing thing but at least i'm more aware of what i really feel. i can also feel a lot of helplessness about pursuing my goals because i wasn't really encouraged to have goals separate from what my parents wanted for me. if i lived in NYC where that T in the article lives i'd probably go see her.
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Thank you for this last part. Yes. Not googling my T when I want to, when I have the urge, is terrible. It hurts because I want to be close to her. I want to be with her but I know that's transference. It's an addiction. I always said SHE was the addiction. I told her what we're doing now in therapy is like Yalom's "Staring at the Sun". I'm facing this pain--not of abuse, but of losing something--someone I want. If T represents my mother and me the infant, I'm losing that bond. Yet I know T will always be in my heart.
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it sounds like you have various losses to grieve. the infant stuff which i would guess is what you experienced with being in an incubator. probably also that your mom didn't allow you to individuate as much as you needed or wanted to.
and the loss of your mom when she died.
rain, it's good to just feel those losses and get it out rather than constantly trying to avoid it and get stuck in obsessing about your T. you have a great T and she will always care for you. you are stronger than you think and can walk through these wounds.
