These forums help me a lot. I'm trying to understand how other people carry on their lives. I'm looking for the boundaries that I never saw. I'm trying to be easier with people and not be labelled as coming on too strong. I dont know what constitutes clingy and what doesn't . I know that being with someone I really love fills the emptyness, takes away the pain, and imparts the sweetest joy. I've gone years filling my life with different hobbies, education, anything I could think of as a distraction. I know that many conditions become worse as we age. Is this one of them? For me, this has been an incredibly difficult year. Made even more so by everything I went through with her. I've learned she would hide from me when she was sick, she never wanted me to see her sick. She only ever wanted me to see her with her makeup done, best clothes on, happy. I've got this white knight syndrome. I haven't hardly seen her in 4 months. I just want to be a normal person with a normal relationship.