Thanks guys for your responses,
I need to chat on here about this because my therapist cant see me again until feb. (I live in a country town)
I had always wondered why I was so insecure and attached to people all my life because my mother seemed to have dedicated her entire life to raising us kids and dad was a wonderful "provider".
So I could only conclude that I was an extremely selfish and self consumed individual. I was often told as a child I was incredibly selfish, which broke my heart to hear. I couldn't understand why. As a youngster I didn't think I was selfish, just so overwhelmed and confused by the intense feelings inside of me and I desperately wanted someone to understand me.
I do remember once, looking at my mother after she tried to show me affection and patience and thinking in absolute anger toward her; "How can you love me? I am disgusting!". I was 7.
So I am going to put the PTSD thing aside, but Is it possible that something could of happened and I cant remember or have blocked it? Why would so many of T's ask me after getting to know me a bit more if I have been abused?
I guess, even if I did block something, do I really want to drag it up? I don't think so.

haha I just saw the irony in my 'signature'..