Eva1nder,

First, take a deep breath and try to relax.

Second, you are too something, so try not to go there as it will not serve you well.

Unfortunately, everything you are describing is typical of dissociative disorders. Here, this is from the Sidran website...

http://www.sidran.org/didbr.html

WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF A DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER?

People with Dissociative Disorders may experience any of the following: depression, mood swings, suicidal tendencies, sleep disorders (insomnia, night terrors, and sleep walking), panic attacks and phobias (flashbacks, reactions to stimuli or "triggers"), alcohol and drug abuse, compulsions and rituals, psychotic-like symptoms (including auditory and visual hallucinations), and eating disorders. In addition, individuals with Dissociative Disorders can experience headaches, amnesias, time loss, trances, and "out of body experiences." Some people with Dissociative Disorders have a tendency toward self-persecution, self-sabotage, and even violence (both self-inflicted and outwardly directed).

Fortunately, people here can relate to what you are saying.

I know you like to read. Have you read any personal accounts of DID? I believe that might help you, if not for anything else but to not feel alone.

Maybe your bf would understand what's going on if he read about it? That might help you not stress so much.

Take care of you, that's first and foremost. I'm glad you are talking to T and p-doc about this.