As I'm new here I'll give you some background info before starting with my actual issue:

I've been sexually abused by two family members (on totally separate occasions) and been struggling with depression, SI, eating disorders since I was a teen. I've had some counselling and therapy but nothing really helped me so I kept quitting after a couple months.
In Octobre 2011 I finally booked an appointment with a Pdoc and was diagnosed with BPD. AS she was finalizing her training in DBT at that time, she asked me if I was ok to be the first person she would try it with. I was, and so we started doing some modified DBT as she hadn't enough clients to make a real DBT skills group.

Fast forward to now:
I haven't been making much progress in a while and two months ago she decided it was time to put me on a therapy break until I was ready to make some progress. I was absolutely shocked, but I must say that she really emphasized that I could call her anytime if I was struggling, that we could have emergency appointments if I was in severe distress and that we could resume therapy as soon as I had done my homework. And on top of that she still wanted me to attend her DBT skills group that would start shortly.

Last monday I got a text from her reminding me that the first skills group meeting would be that evening. I had totally forgotten about it... I went, and I must say it went better than expected. At the end of the group meeting I talked with her for a few minutes and decided I was ready to start working again. At that point I was quite happy about it, but since then I've been struggling much more than I was before.
I think it's mainly because I've had time to realize how much I was holding back from her, how I didn't always trust her to make the best choices for me, and that I never speak up when I'm not 100% ok whith her suggestions... I've learnt that I want to get really better I'll need to work much more than I was until now and I'm so scared... I just don't know how that first appointment in two months will go, how to tell how I really feel or tell her that part of me was lysing to her before... I've been thinking about cancelling it all individual therapy and skills group, but i know that would be like the dumbest move ever. I guess I just need some kind of reassurance that it will be ok.