i was hoping someone would say they found something, anything that works. I've tried so many different things over the years and nothing could sustain me except those short lived happy relationships. My friend, she sustained me. Any time I would falter, feel alone, too stressed, depressed. Any time I wanted to give up on my education or my life, I would remember that she loved me and I needed to at least fight on so I could be with her, stay with her, help her. That when the day was over I might get to spend time with her and all my hardships would be worth it, they'd have meaning. I wouldnt need to keep trying to justify myself, locate my self worth, validate my choices because she did all that for me.