I think you should just plan on having a me day while your son is busy with his father. As long as your son is "safe" and has a nice day you should try to find a way to allow yourself to let go a little and be ok with it, no anger etc.

It sounds like you have three things bothering you at once and they are all emotional challenges involving "other people" who have somehow challenged your boundaries in some way that is not pleasant for you. You also expressed some important "keys" for your stress and even inner critic too. "His Family" and "mother coming to inspect and be serviced" and "annual performance appraisal" are all things that would make "anyone" feel stressed, however with the PTSD, it magnifies and is more challenging. This is why you feel like you ran a marathon, it is how anxiety and stress affects our bodies. Then because it does tire us out our minds switch on the "sleep censors" which creates that strong desire to "I need to just shut down and sleep". Yes, I know the challenge myself and I can get short tempered too when I really don't want to be that way.

That is why you need some time to yourself, relax, slow down, and have some quiet me time. While you have this time, see if you can plan things out where you don't feel so rushed and unknowingly start pumping up too much cortisol that is the major culprit that leads to the challenge to think clearly and have this short temper. Having adrenaline is ok, we often like to have that so we are inspired to get things accomplished that helps us to feel a reward of being in control and having the ability to accomplish things. It is when we allow ourselves to start thinking that we have some kind of "predators" approaching into our space that we begin to "pump up the cortisol" too that makes accomplishing things so tiring. And that is why you need to pay attention to the negatives you think and say and trace them to where and why you get so uncomfortable so that you can learn how to overcome these switches that are so negative to you. This is the part that is a challenge and while it sounds "easy", it isn't all that easy, there is no "just" to it as others tend to advise which can be a trigger too.

Well, venting is healthy, especially when you write it out like this because you get a chance to look back and see the things that come up that create the turmoil in you. That is when you have something to go by to talk about in therapy so you can get to the "root" of the disturbance that you will need to work out so you can teach yourself how to slowly understand why these triggers happen and how to stop them by thinking about them differently then you have been deep wired to think, feel , and react unknowingly.

((Jane)), you are smart and you did take time to develop some skills so that you could thrive in your life. You just need to get out the bugs that you have deep in you that developed early on where other people around you deeply disturbed you and you didn't know how to understand it or deal with it and you began to self blame and feel inadequate because of it. I noticed when you were venting that it was not your father coming that you are upset about, it is your mother.

Ok, so you need to get to the deep issues your mother created and hash that all out, figure out why and see "her" in a very different light. Which means you need to get to that child part and begin to look at how she made you feel that you didn't understand at the time, it's always there and it is "always due to a deficiency in good nurturing skills on the mother's part".

What I "do" see that challenges you is how your brothers got their needs met, were important to your parents, and you didn't get the same treatment. Some of that comes from a long time cultural belief that the "males" were the ones that had to have the abilities to be capable of having a way to take care of "their family and also carry the family name".
Women were not as important, they were to find a good man and their job was being a dutiful wife and running the home. That "is" a very deep seeded subconscious message that is not as "conscious" where a parent really stops to recognize society just is not that way anymore.

We also consistently deal with how the offspring in a family tends to have some deep seeded need to "be the favorite or most appreciated" in the family. So when a child was not "recognized" and took a back seat to other siblings, they tend to harbor some deep inadequacies in their subconscious mind that affects their "self esteem" as they go through life.
I can see you are still harboring a feeling that you need to important or pleasing to your parents and are still in some ways competing with your brothers. Well, that is something you have to finally decide isn't important anymore, you are the only girl and you have done well in spite of how your parents "out of ignorance" didn't meet your needs.

When you are with your son, remember, with you he has a chance to feel "important", where when he is with his father, that may not be the case, he may be facing some competition that can challenge and confuse him in ways he is not really "aware" of. Always make sure you talk to him to make sure he isn't feeling "left out" somehow so his self esteem gets a chance to develop in a healthy way. Often our own insecurities are imprinted in our children and we just don't realize it. Hey, it isn't always easy to be a parent, there is much we just don't think our children can pick up from us that we are not aware of.

Well, you love him and send him messages that he pleases you, when something comes up that compromise that, just pay attention and make sure he understands it is not him, mommy is just a bit tired and grouchy.

What helped me a lot was having adult conversations with my parents and encouraging them to talk about their parents and childhoods and themselves. Often they unknowingly pass on "bugs or viruses" that were instilled in them from their parents and their parent's generation. This need to "got to have things clean and organized just right for "her" is a bug/virus that has definitely been passed from many mothers who had that instilled in them constantly while they were growing up too. Well, while it is nice to have a clean home and have things look nice, it should not create so much stress in someone where that is the "most" important thing to bring a sense of comfort and being appreciated.

((Hugs))
OE