No, I've never been promiscuous. I've always launched right into a serious relationship, in the beginning I have felt that every one of these women was a gift from god. No one has ever made me this happy.. and then I start to get suspicious.

I find myself watching everything they do, everyone they talk to, for I am sure that they are 'up to something'. Most of the time I do find something that I can imagine or latch onto that they are not being faithful to me. If I do not find anything, I begin to imagine that they are.

The beginning stages of a relationship I can handle. Once we are married, I change. Then I let them see me rage, and as hard as I try to keep these feelings inside, they come out in odd ways. I begin to pluck my eyebrows out, I can't stop ruminating about what they are "planning" to do to me, I have hideous pain in my arm and shoulder which no doctor can tell me what it is from....

I refuse to accept blame for the demise of these relationships. I am a good man, they have lost me.

So I find another that I think will not trigger my intense emotions. I don't know how else to describe it.