I’m tired because it has been so long, so many years of fighting, praying, cutting, screaming, crying, loving, hating and torturing myself… And nothing is better. I have done everything I am supposed to do, everything they tell you, the pills to take, the books to read, the prayers to say, the therapies, and here I am, all these years later… Suffering another day. It’s still there. Nothing makes it better, nothing makes it go away. But I keep waking up and trying again. Every day. Why do they tell us to keep going, keep fighting and that it will get better? I’m really tired now you guys. Really really tired.

The depressions are getting worse. The urges are getting stronger, the thoughts that were sporadic are getting pretty common... My symptoms, of all the crap that I have are too much... it's always something. Every feel I have is a symptom of something else. And I am not getting better. I am probably just writing this because I am in the midst of a terrible depression and it always feels as if theres no way out... I did start therapy... I usually have faith but Ive done this so so so many times before. IM DOING EVERYTHIN GIM SUPPOSED TO DO WTF IS THIS