Quote:
Originally Posted by BuckNut1
No, I've never been promiscuous. I've always launched right into a serious relationship, in the beginning I have felt that every one of these women was a gift from god. No one has ever made me this happy.. and then I start to get suspicious.
I find myself watching everything they do, everyone they talk to, for I am sure that they are 'up to something'. Most of the time I do find something that I can imagine or latch onto that they are not being faithful to me. If I do not find anything, I begin to imagine that they are.
The beginning stages of a relationship I can handle. Once we are married, I change. Then I let them see me rage, and as hard as I try to keep these feelings inside, they come out in odd ways. I begin to pluck my eyebrows out, I can't stop ruminating about what they are "planning" to do to me, I have hideous pain in my arm and shoulder which no doctor can tell me what it is from....
I refuse to accept blame for the demise of these relationships. I am a good man, they have lost me.
So I find another that I think will not trigger my intense emotions. I don't know how else to describe it.
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I've always launched right into a serious relationship, in the beginning I have felt that every one of these women was a gift from god. No one has ever made me this happy.. and then I start to get suspicious.
I find myself watching everything they do, everyone they talk to, for I am sure that they are 'up to something'. Most of the time I do find something that I can imagine or latch onto that they are not being faithful to me. If I do not find anything, I begin to imagine that they are.... and then I start to get suspicious.
I got chills reading this . . . the similarity to myself all too unthinkable, almost unfathomable even though it carries itself through my veins. And I NEVER would've thought anyone else would know just what it's like. Perfect description. . . lousy endings. That is why I remain in the relationship I am in now to see it through among my many flaws in working on recovery of my mental and emotional being. I have recognized, finally, that I am the blame for my demise . . . to see it any other way is a true denial and would only bring ongoing turmoil, heartbreak and need for starting all over again and alas, though I still think about it . . . it has gotten old. My boyfriend is the most understanding, I put him through hell . . . how could I leave someone that loves me for EVERYTHING that I am and am not. I want to find the best of me again and one day give to him what he gives to me.