Alexandra,

Your feelings are okay, whatever they are. Feelings are not right or wrong. They just are. You can feel sad, mad, disappointed, scared, or other feelings too, and it is okay. It is too bad that your protectors won't let you talk about those feelings. Someone in your past must have hurt you for talking about feelings. Am I right? But remember that T does want to help you, and he isn't going to hurt you. I know it is hard because we hold our feelings tight when we have been hurt or invalidated in the past.

I am reading another book that maybe you would like. It is "Heartwounds: The Impact of Unresolved Trauma and Grief on Relationships" by Tian Dayton, PhD. I haven't gotten very far yet, but one of the points that I have gotten out of it so far is that if we have unresolved hurts from the past, we keep reenacting them in the present, often without recognizing that they are feelings from the past. Do you think that you are doing that now? It sounds really significant to me that you have had people leave you after their wives had babies. No wonder that bothers you.

I know that it is hard to go without seeing T for a long time. It is hard even without it paralleling your past experiences so much, which must really intensify the fear and hurt. If T gave you his email address, he must have decided that it was okay for you to email him. Maybe you could just email him that you are having a hard time with not knowing about rescheduling, and you need to talk to him or know something? Is part of your fear that he might not respond?

TC,
Rap