This post is probably very depressing. It's also very humiliating. But it's truth.

My worst relationship issue is that I'm alone, and have always been alone. I'm in my 40's. Who reaches this age without being in a serious relationship. Ever. And I really mean ever.

It is the most humiliating area of my life. People, not meaning ill will, but anyway, always say I don't understand things cause I don't have kids. People always talk about their families, or maybe vent about their spouses. But do they know how blessed they are that they are not alone.

What is wrong with me??? What's always been wrong with me? It's not that I haven't put myself out there. I may have become depressed, gained weight, and isolated myself. I've developed some mental health issues. But most don't know about those. I can keep myself together in public. And earlier in y life I was athletic, determined, educated, and outgoing. And it didn't matter then, just as it doesn't now.

And please don't belittle me me further with comments like some day. That there's still time. We all know I'm old, and it's not going to happen. And please don't belittle me with comments that I should just be happy I'm not in an abusive relationship. Alone and unwanted us equally hard. It's rough. Especially during holidays to be so alone.

I used to believe. I had the dreams of a wedding, family, children, purpose. But before I even knew it, other people knew I was a Loser apparently. Now I guess I know it too.

Too late. And what's the point I trying anymore? But it makes me sad, mad, and hopeless.