I am sorry that your mother was like that. I can relate. In fact, that was what I talked about today in therapy - my family not allowing me to have my emotions. It's hard to get over that. I felt bad for feeling what I did too, and I still can't go there, as far as the feelings. It's been a long time, too.

So, are you worried that T might get too friendly with you after the baby?

Boundaries are important. Remember that they can need adjustment in two directions. Some keep too many people out, and some let too many in. It's good to respect boundaries, but remember that boundaries are there to protect you, not the other way around. It doesn't sound like you are going to have a problem with violating T's boundaries. I know it is still hard though. How about telling him "I know that it is okay for you to go away on a trip, but it still doesn't feel okay to me." Then he should know that you don't need a lecture, just in case he is prone to lecturing (which it doesn't sound like he is).

We're here for you.

Rap