Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me
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Can say, "" listen, I really like you. I'd like to get to know you more, spend more time with you(what ever it is, that you'd like to see from this friendship), it's just that I 'need' to have a little more balance in this equation. I'd like to hear from you, I'd like for you to initiate as close to evenly, as possible. What are your thoughts?""
That removes, bringing your insecurities to the forefront.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
I don't know…before (with another guy) just saying that I can't talk at the moment because I'm too upset/depressed to think or have constructive conversation at the moment was fighting words. I mean, it wasn't like I was saying I'd NEVER have the conversation, I just wanted to do it when I was in the right mind, but boy did that tick him off! I was going to apologize until he started texting me some pretty nasty stuff.
But the point is, whenever someone says "we need to talk" or starts a conversation of that nature, it's sure to drive away the other person. Or start a fight. He doesn't seem to be that kind of person, but I don't know everything about him. .
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There's a way, to bring up 'needs' without it being a 'we need to talk' moment, and a way that's not confrontational, nor displaying a sense of 'neediness'. It's a mature way, to conduct a relationship. It's not feelings based, which is the clincher. Marriage counselors use this stuff, all the time. That's where I discovered my needs list, which my therapist, wanted me to explore before ever getting involved again. Needs aren't about 'feelings', needs are about what a person needs for a relationship to survive. We all have them, men and women alike, young and old. (and all those ages in between). It can even be expressed, in a heartfelt way, via phone, via text, via e-mail, Skype, in person. Asking for thoughts, in return, is a way of bring it to a round discussion.
Recipricosity, (sp?) is a valid need on one of the marriage counseling sites lists. Granted, I am no longer married, nor with any near future plans of being so, these lists are a great resource for navigating the dating/relationship side of life.
