Ty abyss. It was nice to read your comments. And I appreciate the bloke like arm hit. Lol. It's funny my brother who just passed was a ogre looking guy haha. But all kidding aside I will look into the hypnotherapy. I would like a long happy life and to be nothing but happy and joyful. But my mind keeps that away. I have tried all sorts of meds and the CBT treatment. Also hospitalization. It seems like nothing helps. The good thing is I know I have been looking in the wrong place, I just need to find that one shred of hope and hold into it possibly helping me get better. Again thank you. Maybe a move from the states would do me good. Maybe Australia .