There are special someones out there that help with the healing. When I met and started dating my husband when I was 35, he was willing to go slow, follow my lead, and be encouraging at the same time! He didn't want to make a mistake either. Sensing you can trust someone (and that they trust you!) makes a big difference in beginning to take risks. Do you have a T? It took 6-8 years before I began to really learn and understand how to go about relating to another without instantly closing up. I interviewed for a job with my husband's company and I credit what my T and I were working on at that time to my success in the interview. That was the start of getting "outside" myself. It can happen, keep trying.