...One thing I have been wondering about is that maybe my T's behaviour/harsh manner towards me recently was her (badly thought out) way of getting me to stop dropping back down into what she calls my misery stories - because if I'm going to go then I'll need to stop myself from doing that. But that still doesn't excuse her hurtful and unprofessional manner. And I'm already aware of how I can, if I don't catch myself, get pulled back towards old unhelpful habits in thinking. But, grieving is something else. I'm mostly okay with my losses now but like everyone else I get days where I'll suddenly feel sad about them.

Or (more thinking!) could it be she is aware of my past hurt from a series of bad and isolating rejection that I experienced as a child and that she thinks if she doesn't agree that I should end sessions and is at the same time less appealing to stay with then I can go more easily. Because I'll see it fully as my decision - no hint of what I might see as rejection. But that doesn't really make sense either as I made it clear it was my decision and I was wanting this.

I'm just trying to look at possible different versions from what might be her point of view. It would all still be a bit dishonest and questionable though - and unnecessary! I don't know.

I think this is maybe what happens when you've felt very attached to someone - part of me can't see anything bad about her. She could almost say or do anything and chances are I'd still think up some defense for her.