That is a start..
It sounds like you have a great deal of anger, and a feeling of loss in your life, but are you seeking treatment for your deperssion..

That way we know you are getting help in 3d life as well..
We do not want to be the only help you are seeking, we can help some, but we are not doctors on here, we struggle with everday things just like you do k. sweeite..

hugs to you


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take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better