Hello Freewill. I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know sometimes when people go throught the tragedy as you have, they will write a letter to the parents letting them know how you felt then and that you would have been there if you would have known, what was happening. This helps to bring closure to the incident that occured. You can discuss this with your therapist, but I know it has helped many others when closure was hard to obtain, in situations. I am very sorry that you are hurt but I also hope you find some closure that you need to find in order to move on and get past the hurt you are feling. Take care Soidhonia