I am so sorry that you have experienced such trauma in your life. We have all endured much, and in many cases, the unthinkable. I have yet much to learn, and we all are capable of gaining insight. When we're ready, we come to this place in our lives where we need to decipher of the choices given us; either we live in continuous pain/conflict and that of which casts hurt upon others, or we manage that which allows us to progress, and live more contentedly as we have learn to calm some of our stormy core within. There are many that are incapable of receiving the massive amounts of loving reassurance that they desperately need . . .I AM BUT A MERE ONE OF THEM. You're right, not one, not a million people can fill such an extensive void (I refer to it is my bottomless love pit). But we can learn how to make 'less' be fulfilling. You are not wrong by any means ~ it is about our genetics, our hurtful misfortunes and feelings that can make our lives a living hell if we choose not to confront them. It IS too big, too ugly and destructive to carry anymore. You are quite insightful yourself, you are here on PC sharing your knowledge of what it is that makes you tick, the way you do, and I do hope you stick around and continue to help others.