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How long was it, since your last relationship, and how long were you involved with him?
You were raised, in an environment that taught submission by women to men. That's a tough one, to work through, even, if you knew it was wrong for you, on an intellectual level.
You mentioned, feeling like you'd be in the twilight zone, if you ever were in a relationship, like the one you've just described as needing and wanting; yes! Precisely, it would be out of your comfort zone, as it's not what you've been accustomed to.
I'd say, keep exploring all of this, in therapy. My T, once suggested discovering my 'needs.' I feel, I really need to go find the place that I found this list, and link it to my profile(if that's even allowed), it was a tough but useful find. And it helped me, see what my needs really are, so that I can articulate them, not just romantically, but in all areas of my life.
My impression, it may, still, be too soon. Hence, the frustration. 
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My last relationship was probably about...a year ago or so. All I've had is online relationships; never been on a first date or been asked out, I haven't even been called pretty to my face by a guy my age. We were together for several months, though much of that time was gone. I'm thinking that wasn't a relationship at all, more like me being catfished. He wouldn't show me his photo, made all sorts of excuses that made sense but were rather far-fetched, and much of the time we talked, he only wanted to cyber. After that, I was friends with a guy where there was supposedly a mutual attraction. Things got bad between us but I keep trying to make up for it, but in the end he just completely cut me off and is dating someone else. I realize that women can be just as bad, that it's not just men, but in general men are so abrasive and controlling and I can't stand it. Two examples. The other day, one of my cousins was yelling at his wife, telling her to get out, and the door to their bedroom was dented. Needless to say, that brought up some bad memories. And today, my uncle and aunt were arguing over something extremely petty and he ended up pulling out the whole "this isn't your house it's mine" statement. Frankly, if someone said that to me at this point in time, someone would end up getting severely hurt. I'm so tired of being demeaned, of women being demeaned just because of their body parts and some stupid scripture that people take and run with just so they can feel dominant. As much as I'd love to have someone, I'm beginning to think that it'll never be right for me. There are SO many problems I have with the way things are, between husbands and wives, between parents and children, like how my mom would call me a ***** for the simplest things and get an attitude with me but I couldn't do the same...it's just all bullcrap. And my aunt says that I should EXPECT these things, that people "get frustrated". Umm, this was simply over groceries, can I not at least try to find someone with, oh I don't know, an even and sane temper? I have different ideals that I'm sure no one will share with me, and that'll end up in all sorts of chaos. And I don't want to give up my independence; I can't. It's all I have, it's all that's gotten me through, and I won't have anyone pulling me down and rehashing what I've been through. I'd rather just be alone. But...thank you. Thankfully, I'm going to therapy again in two days. I really need it. I'll mention this to them, as well as the part about my needs, and try to find some resources on that myself. I'm just afraid that my needs are too much for the rest of this world. I feel so alienated from everyone.