As stated, I know I have a problem with alcohol. I abuse, if not dependent. It has gotten worse over the last 12-18 months I'd say. I will not drink for a few days, a week, and then go back to a bottle and half of wine every night for a few weeks. Then back to kicking it for a few days, and so on. I feel so much of this is out of boredom. But its a vicious cycle. I drink because I'm bored (and I may be predisposed to drinking also I admit) then stop and feel bored also. I KNOW what I need to do, but I just feel stuck, un motivated. I don't feel healthy (whether I am or not). I have anxiety issues. I had open heart surgery at 31 (39 now). I know I shouldn't be drinking in excess. I don't need to be told that. But I'm unemployed, broke, uninsured, etc. Have gotten by on savings and help from family financially. But I know I need to get back to the person I was just a few short years ago. Intelligent, funny, sociable. I just feel the opposite of all of those right now. I spend 90% of my time inside my home. I live in Southern Florida where its sunny and warm all year long. So many things to enjoy. And I'm blocking myself off from them. But again, I cant express how "stuck" I feel. Like I cant budge, I cant go job hunting, I cant converse with people. Always questioning my health, my anxiety, my stress. Just lost and trapped