I'll try to be as thorough and brief as possible. Thank you in advance for any help, I am in desperate times.

I am a 30 year old man with a wife and 2 year old son. Our relationship is pretty strong relative to others that I can compare it to. However, she is ready to throw in the towel on our marriage because she doesn't feel like she gets any help from me. My personality has many similarities to AvPD though I think it can be limiting to put a label on ones personality. I've been diagnosed as having ADHD but I don't give that much weight except to help illustrate the similar tendencies that I have to someone who identifies with ADHD. A big part of the puzzle may have to do with the fact that, for the most part, I lack an ego. I don't identify with my thoughts, and in fact, I generally don't think in language, more in concepts and ideas. So I understand that, as far as a personality goes...nobody is home. This is a deep spiritual concept that many people have trouble coming to terms with, but I think for me it came naturally.

Being who I am, my role as a person and in my relationship is to be there for others in terms of emotional support. I don't judge anyone. Really. No judgement comes from me. Everybody must walk their path. So I see my role as a passive loving presence in people's lives. And so I've come to the problem, I'm passive. Extremely so. If anybody needs help with something, I will be there. It might take me awhile, and I might show up late, but I'm always willing to go to the ends of the earth for others. My wife is the opposite of me, which is why I thought we work so well together. She is the ultimate type A I am the ultimate type B. I can't manage my time to save my life. I fail at most things I do, and have low self esteem because I see the failure coming down the line (I used to be an extreme optimist, despite still failing, now I've just come to terms with it...sort of).

I was fired from my easy and impressive (but extremely boring) job last January. Since then, I've been in a bad way. I can't hold down a job, because I can't put myself behind something I don't believe in, e.g. desk jobs etc. I have been trying to figure out something to do with my life now, but I'm paralyzed by choice. I would have to do something that I can put time into, nurture, perfect, go deep with. Something like martial arts, furniture building, education... The obvious problem is that none of these things are something you can just pick up, and my wife is at her wits end with me.

Why is she at her wits end with me? Because I have been unemployed for 6 months this year and have done nothing productive with that time. I haven't given her a clean house and dinner on the table when she gets home. I have run out of time because it's an accumulation of the last year along with 12 years of "putting up with laziness".

All my problems have something to do with my passivity. I can come up with brilliant solutions to any problem, but I can't implement. I think about all the lovely things I can do, dream about potential, but never put anything into action. The only actions that I take in my life come by necessity. In other words, unless I am forced to do something, my natural inclination is to do nothing, just observe. Even when I tell myself that I have to get something done, I will procrastinate to the point where getting it done is nearly impossible. I have no will to prompt myself to do something I don't really want to do.

I need to change yesterday, what am I missing? How do I gain some will power?