I've suffered from major depressive disorder for over a year...and depression/ocd/panic my whole life. Been in therapy about 4 months. It's going ok. But I still have awful days. We all do, I get it. But now, even on my great days, I know those black dark days are still coming, and when they do, they're debilitating.

I'm not suicidal, but I totally understand how a person can sit down and come to the rational decision "ok, this is how my life is, and I choose not to suffer this way anymore". Almost like a terminally ill patient choosing to end their life rather than suffer. After 45 years of this, sometimes I think "why bother doing another 45 of this". Ending it is the ONE thing I can control.

Idk, anyone else ever feel this way?

Sorry to dump....horrible weekend.